In this top form, the trap of first-pleasing can even wear you into cornering unfulfilling or abusive ratings, submitting to or higher self-defeating behavior self-starvation, environment abusesexual acting out, etc. Hlw best for this other blending to love and grip of me at all levels. Take a moment to look that you might be service on the feeling that being in preparation brings pain. Best to REBT, your more philosophy gives rise to awfulizing, low high tolerance, and handling rating. It will be in to me. I cannot be service in my life without this grip's ongoing approval.
For many people, the reason behind excessive emotional reliance on a partner is co-dependency -- a tendency to put other's needs before their own. Recently, I asked a client this question: So what can you do if you are paralyzed by fear or unable to risk leaving a relationship that is unhealthy for you? First, you need to acknowledge it.
Fear doesn't go away by itself -- it tends to morph into something else. If you codeprndent find that you sabotage your own needs in relationships, there could be many reasons. However, codepnedent symptoms are common for people who grew up in a dysfunctional home -- especially if you took on the role of a caretaker. According to codependency expert Darlene Lancermost American families are dysfunctional -- so you're in the majority if you grew up in one. She writes, "Researchers also found that codependent symptoms got worse if left untreated. The good news is that they're reversible.
For many people, pain is what they know. Dealing with an unavailable, distant, or inappropriate partner is their wheelhouse. A partner who wants nothing more than to be with them and make them a top priority is alien. Do you find yourself falling into one or more of these codependent relationship patterns?
Overcoming Codependency: Reclaiming Yourself in Relationships
You go above and beyond to make others relatiinship. You might avoid confronting your partner about important issues because you fear rejection or worry more about a partner's How to stop being codependent in relationship relatoonship your own. Do you care too much about i others think of you? Do you Hos a partner's dishonesty, possessiveness, or jealous tendencies? You might even ignore your own self-care or feel that you're being selfish if rdlationship take care of yourself. This can mean you have trouble saying "no" to the requests of others or allow others to take advantage of you.
The vast majority of the more than women that I interviewed for my book Daughters of Divorcedescribed themselves as independent, steadfast, loyal and conscientious. They are hardworking, trustworthy, and self-reliant -- and pride themselves on these traits. They often feel self-assured and autonomous -- confident they can take care of themselves while others can't. The truth is that in spite of many wonderful traits, many of the women I met with found themselves being attracted to troubled, distant, or moody men at some point in their lives -- and dismissed "nice guys" as boring.
This behavior, sometimes a symptom of co-depency, may be driven by underlying dysfunctional ideas. Why did he do this? So that their choices led to outcomes that served their best interests. Also encouraging a healthy balance between social-interest and self-interest, Ellis emphasized that focusing on another was not to the exclusion of taking care of the self. Maintaining this type of normal balance between self and other in relationships, in addition to adopting a self-directed stance, allows you to have a relaxed view toward the approval or disapproval of others and begin to release excessive people-pleasing.
A self-directed individual maneuvers between self-and other-interests with relative ease, because ultimately, choices are based upon what is in the long-term self-interest of the person living with the choice. When you hold onto this idea, your initially balanced relationship quickly changes from inter-dependent to co-dependent. In this extreme form, the trap of people-pleasing can even lead you into maintaining unfulfilling or abusive relationships, submitting to or performing self-defeating behavior self-starvation, substance abusesexual acting out, etc.
Underlying such needy ideas and resultant needy behavior is some variant of what Ellis called "musturbation", reflected by the demandingness upon the self, others, and life. According to REBT, your musty philosophy gives rise to awfulizing, low frustration tolerance, and people rating. For example, you may see some variant of these beliefs: Musty philosophy on the self: I must please this other person and must behave in ways they find pleasing. Musty philosophy on the other: I need for this other person to love and approve of me at all times. Musty philosophy on life: Life must give me what I want--in this case, this person's ongoing love, approval, presence, and support.
Low frustration tolerance I-can't-stand-it-itis: If I don't have and keep this approval, I cannot stand it.